Transplanted to Mars, a Civil War vet discovers a lush planet inhabited by 12-foot tall barbarians. Finding himself a prisoner of these creatures, he escapes, only to encounter a princess who is in desperate need of a savior.
Stanton has built a fantastic world, but the action is unmemorable. Still, just about every sci-fi/fantasy/superhero adventure you ever loved is in here somewhere.
Lavish and lengthy, it has the spectacle and spirit of a Saturday matinee movie but not its fleetness or fun.
Get your ass to Mars? A handsome new sci-fi adventure that feels rather familiar. Enjoyable enough while it lasts, John Carter is big on ambition and disappointingly short on action.
There’s so much talent involved, and so much money and energy expended on bringing this to the big screen that its inability inspire more than an indifferent shrug makes it all the more disappointing.
It’s a caterwaul of colour, motion and incomprehensible plot issues.
John Carter’s overall weakness is its desire to set up sequels at the expense of conclusive, satisfying action, but Stanton’s visual flair and creative panache ultimately breathes plenty of life into the dusty old bones of Burroughs’ hero.
John Carter is one of those films that is so stultifying, so oppressive and so mysteriously and interminably long that I felt as if someone had dragged me into the kitchen of my local Greggs, and was baking my head into the centre of a colossal cube of white bread.
It looks fantastic and youngsters may find the exotic universe compelling enough but the result is sadly soulless and unexciting.
Does as much right as it does wrong. And this Taylor Kitsch fellow makes for a very respectable action hero.
Perhaps uniquely, John Carter is a film that is necessarily bad: in doing justice to Burroughs’s creation, Stanton has made a movie that is a technical marvel, but is also armrest-clawingly hammy and painfully dated. This is a vision of the future that belongs in the past.
There isn't enough humour or levity to counter the often horribly portentous dialogue and Wagnerian pomp with which the film-makers tackle their material.
The giant turkey from Mars.
John Carter is not only a boring film, with a seriously sagging hour in the middle, but also a confused one.
Calling a sci-fi yarn set on Mars preposterous may be a moot point, but the distinct lack of peril in the increasingly tedious action sequences is a major problem.
The film John Carter resembles most is The Phantom Menace. Harsh words, I know. But if I were really harsh, I'd say The Phantom Menace wasn't quite as bad.
The movie is poorly staged and mind-numbingly tedious.
If you can ignore the all-over-the-shop story, the confusing characters and the excessive running time, there's a cracking yarn to be found in Andrew Stanton's take on the Edgar Rice Burroughs classic.
Andrew Stanton: why I had to make John Carter the movie
Why John Carter has to be seen to be believed.
Taylor Kitsch: 'John Carter tested me intensely'
John Carter hits the big screen
Andrew Stanton
Taylor Kitsch--A Star Born or Destroyed?
Taylor Kitsch on the 'honour' of playing John Carter
John Carter flop to cost Walt Disney $200m
General release. Check local listings for show times.
RSS feed of Cinema reviews