A fleet of ships is forced to do battle with an armada of unknown origins in order to discover and thwart their destructive goals.
By the time the inevitable flag-waving victory rolls around (at well past the two-hour mark), it’s more a case of bored games than board games.
Strangely, subversively, thrillingly awful. But also short and simple.
Misguided in the extreme. A scene in which Kitsch and co aim blindly for the broadest of targets – and miss by miles – proves painfully apt.
By adhering to blockbuster conventions, the director has missed an opportunity to genuinely freshen up the genre.
Berg keeps the action coming and his tongue firmly in his cheek. The summer blockbuster season starts here.
More coherence and tension would have helped and stupidity reigns but Battleship does not, as expected, go down with all hands.
Something this asinine is still capable of being enjoyed as a big, bad demolition derby — it’s the kind of flick that would earn ironic cheers if you could hear a single thing above the din.
If you found Transformers just a touch too subtle, this is the film for you. It might still be for you even if you didn't: there's something of the big dumb puppy to Battleship, whose risible tricks unite the crowd in indulgent giggles.
I was silently cheering on the aliens and wondering when on Earth the agony would end.
A film that consistently defies belief, logic, common sense.
Like the very best junk food, Battleship has no nutritional value whatsoever, but goes down easy – I just hope the film is meant to be a send-up.
If you really have to make a noisy, cheesy, militaristic alien invasion movie, then this is how it should be done.
Long, loud, ludicrous, mindlessly enjoyable.
Cacophonous nonsense.
Battling mother nature and the power of AC/DC
Peter Berg
General release. Check local listings for show times.
RSS feed of Cinema reviews