The tale of Conan the Cimmerian and his adventures across the continent of Hyboria on a quest to avenge the murder of his father and the slaughter of his village.
If swords, sorcery, pecs and FX get your bloodlust pumping, there’s fleeting fun to be had. But mostly this Conan puts the bore in Hyboria.
Big, dumb and brutish, Conan the warrior lumbers on to the Big Screen for a movie that's, well, big, dumb and brutish.
Marcus Nispel's film is too relentlessly one note and too abidingly cheesy to stay the course.
Clunky, chaotic, and a snore.
Some action sequences work better than others, the finale being particularly messy, and if Momoa is not quite as monolithic as Arnie, he’s certainly a better performer.
Possibly better than Red Sonja or King Kull — but let’s face it, that’s scarcely a major breakthrough. Next time, get a director with a personality and actually read the source stories.
Awful though they all are, the fault lies mainly with Marcus Nispel, German music-video director turned specialist in useless genre remakes, and not a man to whom any sane producer would entrust 3D. Dingy? It’s like taking sparklers down a coal mine.
Uninspired.
he film's problem – and arguably the reason it has been such a clunking failure in the US – is that it's rip-roaring, juvenile matinee entertainment at heart, but is far too violent for the kids to be allowed in to see it.
A missed chance. There’s a good foundation to build on, but the immediate film is let down by a lacklustre story and god-awful script.
Aaaaargh!
Conan the Barbarian is the kind of film which just makes you feel sorry for everyone involved.
A glum affair.
General release. Check local listings for show times.
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