Anna Burnside reviews ‘an engaging and energetic performer’.
Keeley Hazell is making an audition self-tape. She’s wearing leopard skin hotpants and a white vest pulled up to reveal her eye-popping cleavage. Why not? As the title of the show, which is based on her autobiography, makes clear, everyone has seen them already.
She’s auditioning for the part of herself in the Apple TV show Ted Lasso. There’s a character in the show based on her but that’s not enough to guarantee her the part.
Within this framing device, Hazell fills in the career that led her to be crowned Nuts magazine’s queen of boobs. There are two drug dealer boyfriends then an incident she doesn’t talk about. After that she flees to LA, then washes up home in south London in 2019.
Hazell plays up the Guy Ritchie aspects of her life. Thanks to her facility with accents, her scathing could be in the room with us.
She’s an engaging and energetic performer, owning her past, dealing with PTSD caused by the incident she doesn’t talk about, candid about the fact that many of the men she meets will have masturbated over her image.
Ted Lasso’s loss is the Fringe’s gain.
Keeley Hazell: Everyone’s Seen My Tits performs at Pleasance Courtyard (Bunker Two) at 17:40 (60 minutes) until 29 August 2026. For further details, go to the Fringe website.
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